SHADES OF LOVE PART-2

    After tons of words about the absurdity and meaninglessnes of life by Camus, unfortunately, camus felt in love with a İberian woman and it was relatively normal way to felt in love. love the woman like that, i mean fall, in love with a woman although he was married with another woman in the same time, and love someone very passionate for camus, it was so weird story for me at the first time i read the story. After that,this story provided me with a level jump in my life. and thats way u should read this story in my words. I interpreted this story in my own mind in another way and it allowed me to pass to camus in my life. Now it's time to write the story and write to what i understood from this story.

you should know this note before story; as you know existentialism became popular in the years following World War 2, it might be help you to understand that what kind of psychological needs to be existentialist. 
all of the well-known existentialists existed from the environment of war or social depression periods. causes with Algerian independence movement camus's cult existed in way. Or Sartre had started to read heidegger during WW2 in the prison. Or Heidegger's philisophy had effected so much by WW1. Anyway, the feeling of existentialism existing from the status of depression or nausea.

''I had a dozens of questions to ask her yesterday. where had she been before ? What had she done before ? Who had she met before ? but all this was important to me with the value which anny gave them. I'm not curious now, cause all countries which are she have crossed, all cities which are she crossed, the men which are they had flirted with her, the men which are she loved them, those had not been pierced her. she had met them all with indefference.They are remind her that the reflection of the sun on the dark and cold sea. Anny is in front of me now and we havent each other in 4 month, but we have no words to tell each other anymore. Suddenly, anny says '' you should go anymore'' and she continue '' im waiting for someone'' and i responding to her ''is it something ?''. And she continue ''No, İ 'm waiting for a german, a painter.'' and she starts laughing. İnthe semi-dark room, this laugh is making strange repercussions.   Sartre- Nausea

İf should i back to main topic, the only fight on the human being is to exist on earth within connection with other humans and even matters. Anyways, all of these existencialist bullshits, camus with iberian woman and he wrote fiery and passionate love letter to her and their relationship continued during 13 years and during that time, camus was married with another woman. İberian woman's name was Maria Casares.

Maria Casares came to paris in under the german invasion of paris. At that time camus tried to camus was fighting a secret struggle against the Germans to publish the resistance newspaper. After that, he fell in love with ibarian woman and although he didnt believe to ''Marriage Status'' and he had believing absurdism, despite all this, his mind had turned into a chaos with love. he had lose whole of balance of his mind with this relation with ibarian. although he did not believe in marriage, he chose his wife.

According to me, personally, after this stage of the article gonna be little bit creepy. After camus broke up with ibarian and back his wife. Camus had returned to his wife and at the same time continued to live something with other women. But despite of all of these, camus continued to wrote love letter to ibarian woman kinda ''i see you whereever i turn my head'' and '' I lost my strength when you were gone, I want to die''.

those are pathetic infos for me, and i was aware of that, the world is not always existential. And also passion story of camus made me to pass camus. But poor camus forgot all the things he created for a woman. Even though i love camus so much despite all of this.

E.G. İ tried to act like mr. meursault (main character of ''Foreigner'' novel) or before this, i tried to create myself in the different way, e.g. political way. But after all of this existencial crisis, now i feel almost pure, and im constantly questioning myself to avoid all of these.

Anyway, İm continuing to story. İt is another critical coincidence for me for today, and this is fucking my mind right now, (I believe that some coincidences cannot be a coincidence though im strict materyalist) These guys, Camus and İbarian woman Maria Casares met after 4 years in paris again by chance. Now, my mind stabbed ''number 4'', look at the quotation from sartre above, u will see also number 4, look at the manifest of the blog also u ill see. and at the same time three relative love stories, automaticly this image has occured.

Anyway, camus and casares had wrote letter each other for 12 years, after this incidental meet. Camus called her as '' seagull and black fish''. As a result, im still thinking and questioning about this story, cause according to camus' s letter, he loved her as passionate for 14 years as uninterrupted despite he had a wife and he also being something with other women in the whole process. Plus, the fact is really interesting that he write such books, and at the same time, he has such a love for a woman.  '' Egos and normalized prejudices fucking our lives up  '' Roj.