SHADES OF LOVE PART-1

İNTRO: Coral, We' ll look around at the love. We ll try to understand the meaning of love. İn this series.

''The pain of love can be known but it cannot be known what is the love.'' Camus.

As he said love is a bottomless pit. Think as much as you want and drink during days or weeks, try to convince yourself how much you love her. i doesnt make sense as a result. You will never figure out what you felt. After you i just feeling the pain, even though i trying to what is this, love or behavioral disorder or FREUD or sexual desire or just selfishness, i wont find fixed answer. Love is unknown as a result. İ meant, i can write a lot of reason why i loved you ,a lot of number of reason, at the end, neither u or me, we wont figure it out why i loved you at least, Although what if there is a very obvious reason.

''To be valuable or not. Creating or not creating. In the first case, everything is proven. Without exception, everything.The second situation is a complete absurd. The most beautiful remains of suicide remain: marriage + 40 business hours or pistols.'' Camus

Coral, i hope previous sentences of camus try to help you my thought what i said you before ''i just want to warm home and family.'' cause it is the best way to commit suicide. According to absurdism '' Camus' s philosophy '' in that philisophy one of the most discussed topics is ''suicide''. Cause in absurdism as it's name, fundamental of the life or our actions based on nonsense. in that context suicide is a salvation. İf i need to be honest, i'd like to i wish you were my suicide :).

''we don't have time to be ourselves, we just have time to be happy.'' Camus.

Coral last one also meaningful for me, cause it sentences define explains my behavior against love and you, what i told you, come izmir in ramadan etc, even though it was pointless suggestion in the light of reality and facts of your life. also the love might be not exist in general in human history at all and it might be just a product of ours or it might be just simulation which is we are inside. But thanks CAMUS !, there is a most beneficial exit point from get ride of these questionings about love writen by camus. İf u feel happy with someone, there arent need to questioning and ruin your love, thats all.

All of these sentences exactly same for revolution and another politic or ideologically loves. İf u are happy with some politics and it makes u good and feel good than before, u should continue in your way even though ur mind saying to you it is absurd.

''To be revoluntionary, it means that human has a much more claim on life than his/her destiny. ''camus.
As u see, love to woman and love to your revolution or politic, concepts of these slightly intermingled from now on. doubtless thinking is historically perceptible. also fall in love created with thoughts.  The desire for revolution and freedom needs rebellion and enthusiasm. Such like love against woman. Without enthusiasm and rebel out to ur fate for cahnge ur fate with her, there wont be true love of sex. As a result, to love to woman who is belongs to very different lands and cultures, even though there arent any chance to see her cause of the political reasons. Maybe/perhaps you have no ability to get passaport at all, in the other hand she living in the abroad and u need to get pasaport to see her again. İf you're consuming ur energy to do something for her despite all of this fuckin realty, it is a revolutionary love. cause as camus said, ''To be revoluntionary, it means that human has a much more claim on life than his/her destiny. ''
My logic saying these words every day since u left here, ''Why not live with another women, why not being with another women, even though u even not sure about love is exited or not in human history, even though u dont know what is the love, why dont u move with ur damn logic.'' and i just respond to my logic like this, ''my soul disgusts their existence.''

''What is a heart managed with? Love? This is not for sure. The pain of love can be known but it cannot be known what is the love. In this case, love is deprivation, longing and empty hands. I can't feel enthusiasm. I have a shortage of existence. İt is a hell which is everyone thinking it is heaven. I say life and love that left me in space. I say life and love that left me in space.'' Camus.