Alternative Expression Type Of Turkish Drama

They growed me very bad. Neither my mummy nor my dady didnt give me necessary training of life.i want to say ''for life'', they didnt  teach me how to live. Actually they taught me that learn before live for how to live.  they didnt teach me that you can learn while living. I've easily accepted to wrongs which they have been taught me. Just human can find her/his true way by him/herself. But i couldnt find it. they taught me the stereotypical ways as they showed others. Otherwise they supposed to hold me with different kind of care. Not more, different. They forced me to be a normal person so that i wasted time on me. Then when i couldnt fit with their shape, they told to me '' you're anormal''. I didn't understand myself neither. I've been trying to be a normal  person all my life.
İmmediately after that i realized something, Life is absurd and we are not free ! However the most meaning we can get in a meaningless world is to oppose distress, pain and death.

İmmediately after that i saw someone, and i have started to thinking like that;

Welcome, my woman, welcome.

You stepped on my floor;

And forty-year-old concrete floor is now a meadow.

You smiled;

And roses have blossomed in front of the iron bars of my window.

You cried;

And pearls got shed on my palms.

My chamber is now rich like my heart,

Bright like the freedom...

Welcome, my woman, welcome.   

N.H. RAN

İmmediately after i saw piece of me and she has gone, and i have started to thinking like that;

All this time what you were trying to tell me

I realized when I had found myself..

Everyone has different ways to be happy

I realized when I had found my way..

Life was learnt by living only, not by reading or listening

I realized when you did not tell me what you know..

Every day was a lost day if you dont have love in your heart

I realized why you had run after love like mad..

When the pain is so strong, no tears come from eyes, they say

I realized why you never cried..

They say making a crying one smile is more valuable than crying with him

I realized when you had transformed my tears into a smile..

They say anybody can break your heart but only the most loved one can hurt

I realized when you hurt me so much..

But, they say, beloved one deserves every single drop of tear you shed

I realized when my joy had left together with tears..

It was not 'not lying', but, not 'hiding the truth' was the real gift

I realized when you had placed your hand on my heart..

Being able to say "I need you. come now" was the real power

I realized when I had said to you 'go' ..

Love was being able to say 'I want you to stay' when someone said to you 'go'

I realized when I was told to go and I had gone..

My love for you was like a kid crying like a baby when he fell

I realized when it had grown up and had wrapped me tightly..

They say regret is not apoligizing it is wanting to scream 'forgive me'

I realized when I really had regretted

And, they say pride is a mask for losers for weak

hearts full of love dont have pride

I realized when I had found love in my heart..

One who wants desperately , does not wait, only expects to be forgiven one day

I realized when I had wanted you to forgive me desperately..

Love was an endeavour, and the endeavour was to love such a way you could never abandon it but you could set it free..

I realized.

CAN YÜCEL

İmmediately after,i have started to burn at the same time Coral asked to me '''Roj, why are u burning ?'' whenever i intending to respond her like this '' Forgive me senorita but I've tried to reach top of your volcano.'' and you said to me '' ok roj, i m first volcano person when something is real'' but i would like to tell u ''i' ve lost my way, for example, at 3:30 in the night when i was drunk I'm not going to cross main street while my eyes closed to solve my existential crises. or or just looking for a way to abandon leave the simulation and I chewing more chewing gum to relax the jaw muscles. or i want to fall back to freud and nietzsche again  or !!ofcourse!! in that case Bukowski always try to helps us within empty wine bottles and with pulp philosophy''

Have you ever had to forget a person? Forget the person, giving up a person, have you ever been take a human out of your life ? 

As if you know you can't hold her hand even though u stretch out ur hand.

As if waiting for a moment to she come in the door with smiling, in fact you know she ll never come like this.

Isn't it hard that you knows she is not dead in the same condition she is far away from you such like she is dead. How unbearable is it ? while you are still so beloved.

Longing

So long,

miss  her like the bone burn to the flesh ...

Too bad, isn't it?

Miss her but cannot see her,

Not touching her,

Not to hear her.

What a desperate searching is it, look at the thousands of faces in the crowded street, Maybe you can see that face again.

Maybe it's just a couple of days ago. maybe I mean somewhere in the people walking behind me,

Maybe she's got the eyes on you, it's hard, isn't it?

How much it can melt the person ? 

You know that, don't you?

You ever sit in a movie theater like two people indeed u are alone? Have you ever enjoyed like two people from a concert alone inded u are alone?

When you discovered a nice cafe, When he watches a beautiful movie, When you listen to a beautiful song,

Did you feel they were lacking in their beauty cause you can't share it with him.

Did you ever shake your half-body in the crowd of a bar? Have you ever been half human with your two-person brain? Did you ever see the half of your face when you looked at your mirror? have you ever couldnt hate the main reason of your poverty of your life. Have u ever look into her eyes eventhough she have cut your feet and hands. Did you write love poems to someone who has turned up all the values you believe in life? 

Have you ever be sacrificed yourself on those days when it means protect to her inside you,means destroy you ?

Have you ever had a time when you're too weak to avoid a child crying ? Crying boy inside you ?